1 phrase is keeping women from promotions raises. Lets stop saying it

1 phrase is keeping women from promotions raises. Lets stop saying it1 phrase is keeping women from promotions raises. Lets stop saying itWomen are bedrngnisorious people pleasers. We say yes to functions for which weve no time - and we somehow make the time to go toeverythingwitheveryone. We include everyone in plans to avoid hurting anyone, despite existing tensions they may have with each otzu sich. We take on tasks that arent at all in ur job descriptions (readmother-management syndrome). We say sorry when someone interrupts us, even though were bedrngnis at all at fault.We give everyone else creditfor the work we did, sometimes, almost entirely on our own. And we seldom make moves with our own best interest in mind, at least not without considering how our decisions might impact those around us.Thats why when people congratulate us on our accomplishments or thank us for ourhard work, were quick to say Oh, I couldnt have done it without the support of fill in the name(s) of so meone who offered some or even no real help at all.Sure, thats not true forallwomen. But what is true for all women is the fact that, when we dont please people, were perceived as less likeable. Studies show that when women arent so agreeable - when we stand up for ourselves, demandrespect, ask for what we deserve - were deemed abrasive, and out for ourselves, and bossy, and too aggressive and a whole string of negative adjectives.The reason for this pushback lies in many of the unconscious assumptions we all hold about women and men,Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of facebook inc and the founder ofLean In,writes forThe Wall Street Journal. We expect men to be assertive, look out for themselves, and lobby for more - so theres little downside when they do it. But women must be communal and collaborative, nurturing and giving, focused on the team and not themselves, lest they be viewed as self-absorbed. So when a woman advocates for herself, people often see her unfavo rably.Its no surprise, then, that only eight of the 100 most-loved CEOs in America are women. In-N-Out Burgers Lynsi Snyder, Wegmans Colleen Wegman, Taylor Morrisons Sheryl Palmer, KPMGs Lynne Doughtie, Enterprise Holdings Pamela Nicholson, Progressive Insurances Tricia Griffith, Deloittes Cathy Engelbert, and GMs Mary Barra were the only women to makethe 100 most popular CEOslist.Female CEOs arent the only ones under scrutiny, however. Women in all levels are deemed lesslikablewhen they speak up for themselves. It starts for female graduates right out of the gate.A Rutgers University studyfound that women who promote themselves are less hirable. In fact, when women seek their firstjobsafter college, likability is more important than their magna cum laude diplomas in interviews, research from the Ohio State University suggests. Hiring managers gravitate toward women who are moderate achievers described as social and outgoing, and they view high-achieving women with more skepticism. The saatkorn cant be said for male candidates.When they do step foot into the working world, little changes. According toresearch by McKinsey Co. andLean In, which surveyed 132 companies employing more than 4.6 million people, women do indeed negotiate for promotions and raisesmore oftenthan men do, but theyre far less likely to receive them. Theyre less likely largely because people like them less for it. According to the research, women who negotiate are 30 percent more likely than men who negotiate to receive feedback that they are intimidating, too aggressive or bossy - and they are 67 percent more likely than women who dont negotiate at all to receive the same negative feedback.Another study conducted by Heilmanalso suggests thatsuccessfulwomen working in male domains are penalized when they are perceived to be less nurturing or sensitive. Why? Theyre violating gender-stereotypical prescriptions of modesty. Anotherstudy conducted by Harvards Hannah Riley Bowlesfound that wome n were penalized more often than men for initiating negotiations and, ultimately, breaking the prescription that women are reisepassive.AsSandberg writes Success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively for women. When a man is successful, he is liked by both men and women. When a woman is successful, people of both genders like her less.So when it comes down to accepting thanks and applaud, women are quick to share the credit or pass it off entirely, not wholly believing that theyre deserving of it themselves.When this happens for a woman whoisindeed deserving of credit, its called impostor syndrome, which refers to the concept that an individual - usually a woman - internalizes their accomplishments due to the fear of being exposed as a fraud. Theimposter syndrome that plagues women in workplaces across all industries is immensely damaging the feeling of unworthiness can actually manifest self-fulfilling prophecies and perpetuate the false notion that wom en are indeed inherently less worthy of success than men.Women give more credit to their male teammates and take less credit themselves unless their role in bringing about the performance outcome is irrefutably clear or they are given explicit information about their likely task competence, researchers Michelle C. Haynes and Madeline E. Heilman say of theirstudythat found women to be less likely to take credit for their roles in group work.Heres the obvious truth Womenareworthy. Women are worthy of respect, of equal credit, ofequal pay, of equal opportunities,and of equal futures as their equal counterparts. And despite the fact that women may be penalized to just say thanks when someone applauds their work, its necessary. The world needs to be reminded that, often (not always, of course), wecouldhave done whatever the project was without help - we just wouldnt necessarily havewantedto have done it without help. We could have because we often do bear the weight of projects, take on others tasks and handle duties that are not our own.Of course, accepting thanks from an I statement is easier said than done given the potential penalties involved. And, of course, its wrong to put more burden on women to deconstruct the bird cage of oppressive barriers (thanks for the metaphor, Marilyn Frye), rather than demanding that oppressors stop oppressing. But at the very least, women need not worry about being likable for likabilitys sake.That idea that likability is an essential part of you, of the space you occupy in the world, that youre supposed to twist yourself into shapes to make yourself likable, that youre supposed to hold back sometimes, pull back, dont quite say, dont be too pushy, because you have to be likable I say thats bull, renowned feminist writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said in a speech when she was honored at the2015 Girls Write Now Awards. If you start off thinking about being likable, you are not going to tell your story honestly because you are goin g to be so concerned with not offending And thats going to ruin your story, so forget about likeability.We dont need to necessarily drop our we mentality - its fair to give credit where credit is due. But we need to learn how to adopt the I mentality, too. Its okay toaccept thanks for the work we did. Andits time that workplaces take on the responsibility for cultivating work cultures that encourage women to speak up and promote them for their hard work.- AnnaMarie Houlis is a feminist, a freelance journalist and an adventure aficionado with an affinity for impulsive solotravel-the-worldtravel-the-worldtravel. She spends her days writing about womens empowerment from around the world. You can follow her work on herblogblog,HerReport.org, and follow her journeys on Instagramher_report,TwitterherreportandFacebook.A version of this post previously appeared onFairygodboss, the largest career community that helps women get the inside scoop on pay, corporate culture, benefits, and work f lexibility. Founded in 2015, Fairygodboss offers company ratings, job listings, discussion boards, and career advice.